It is really difficult when someone is in early recovery and their lifestyle has changed. When you quit the bar scene where do you mingle and how do you meet someone? Even though it may seem like this is a problem for recovering people it is actually quite common among the general population.
Most people meet each other through a common acquaintance. It is NOT typical to just bump into the perfect person while grocery shopping or walking the dog. I am not saying those occurrences cannot occur but they are the exception not the rule.
A few decades ago when social and media were two different ideas people were often invited to dinner or an event where someone else was also invited to attend. This ‘blind date’ scenario was not perfect but many couples met on just such occasions. The pace of interactions, invention of the personal computer and now there is social media where we befriend people we don’t even know. It becomes quite risky to attempt moving into any type of online serious relationship because many if not most people
present themselves quite different than they really are in person.
This leaves you with a dilemma when you get sober:
How do you meet someone?
The bar scene is risky because it is likely the interest in sobriety will not be shared. If you are serious about a serious relationship your recovery has to have a priority.
The pace at which information moves makes meeting someone more difficult.
Schedules are often tight. Meeting someone may be relegated to fitting them in. This does not do anything for the relationship in general.
It Takes Time
You can literally invest years of your life dating, finding out it isn’t going to work and then ending it with only a heartbreak experience. Even if you were to hang out in places of your interest it is difficult to meet someone who is compatible with you.
There is another way. I have had various professionals in my office who were just too busy to do the ‘bar scene’ (didn’t want to anyway because of sobriety issues) and did not have great time to invest in searching for someone compatible. I was pleased to turn them on to an online dating service where they were successful in meeting someone with whom they could have a long term relationship.
One of the good things about these services is how you can answer a few questions and sort out tons of bad dates before you even date the first person. This helps with your time investment. It makes a huge difference if you have more than just one or two things in common.
You have heard that opposites attract? Sometimes the attraction is purely physical and if there is any faltering in the physical attraction the differences become glaring obstacles. It is worth a lot to find compatibility along with physical chemistry, but before you meet your match, get to know yourself.
It can make a huge difference in your relationship in the short term and in the long term. My suggestion for those who want to stay sober, quit the bar scene and meet someone is to take the time to check out a dating service. They can do for you what you would take years to do. It might just change your entire life.