101 Tips for Codependency

Many people are codependent. They are in relationships where someone is addicted and they are addicted to the addict. Here are tips to help the codependent person start to break free.

1. Codependency is YOUR issue you must deal with it
2. No one can put you down without your permission, don’t give it
3. If it feels better when the addict in your life is high, drunk or gone, you are probably addicted
4. Assertiveness is better than passive or aggressive responses. Learn to be
5. Be mindful of the emotions that keep you locked into codependency
6. Learn to set boundaries for yourself
7. Attend to your own boundaries
8. Learn to like yourself
9. Accept yourself including faults. No one is perfect
10. Do not accept being hit or manhandled
11. People who are addicted to alcohol or drugs need help and will not just get better
regardless what you do
12. Be responsible for your own behavior
13. Find people who build you up and learn from them
14. Do not believe under any circumstances you are to blame for someone else being addicted
15. Quit fixing the mess and covering for the addicts behavior
16. Caring for an addict may result in you feeling needed but you pay a high price. Q
17. Quit enabling
18. When you stop enabling you may experience guilt. You have nothing to be guilty for when you are being responsible for yourself
19. Do not take on the shame from someone else’s addiction
20. Find a friend who is not codependent and learn from them
21. If you have been in codependent relationships learn how to stop codependency before starting into another relationship
22. Chances are you learned codependency from seeing it from your family of origin
23. It serves no purpose to blame others for your codependency
24. Learn not to be a slave to your emotions
25. Recognize your own strengths and use them
26. Recognize your own weaknesses and learn to deal with them in a healthy way
27. Treat yourself with the kindness you expect others to use on you
28. Do something nice for yourself… without guilt
29. Begin writing in a journal your thought and feelings (Confidential)
30. Do not feel sorry for yourself or indulge in self pity
31. Remember codependency is not about how you look or how much you weigh it is
about how you choose to relate to others
32. There is no better time to learn how to stop being dependent on an addict
33. Learn how to express your concerns without blame or guilt
34. Take a personal inventory of your relationships and identify issues of codependency.
35. What do you learn from each one? List what you have learned
36. Allow yourself to STOP and THINK before you ACT. This will prevent
37. If you are a parent, remember there are little eyes watching you to see how relationships are supposed to be handled
38. Change takes time and effort. It is frightening but rewarding. Work for change
39. Never stop working on eliminating codependency
40. Learn to handle disappointment when it comes. You can deal with it
41. Emotions go up and down and are not the result of others. They are the result of what you think
42. Learn to change your thoughts
43. Positive thoughts will result in you feeling more positive about yourself
44. Do not let small things become mountains. Deal with small things as they come
45. Trusting someone needs to be based on consistent behavior over time. Don’t just turn it on because someone says ‘trust me’
46. Do not accept abuse under any circumstance
47. Learn to be responsible for what you think feel say and do
48. Learn to not take on the responsibility for what others think feel say or do
49. If you fall, get up! If you fall again, GET UP
50. Guilt is only appropriate if you did something inappropriate. Not because someone was displeased
51. Learn to look to your Higher Power for strength to be your best
52. What you need to be okay will best be found within rather for dependency on another person
53. Hang around positive people
54. Limit your exposure to people who drag you down
55. Life is like a play; you are on stage and own all the tickets. Give them to your best fans
56. Strength may be coming to understand what you are not good at
57. Take time daily to improve your relationship to self
58. Spend quality time learning how to be healthy mentally
59. Spend quality time learning how to be healthy physically
60. Spend quality time learning how to be healthy emotionally
61. Spend quality time learning how to be healthy spiritually
62. Spend quality time learning how to be healthy socially
63. Spend quality time learning how to be healthy in your choices
64. Allow yourself not more than 5 minutes a day to criticize yourself
65. Remember putting someone down does not build you up. It is quite opposite
66. If you build others up you will be built up as well
67. No one can make you do something, choose for yourself
68. Learn to examine your choices, consider many before you choose
69. A hasty choice is likely one that should not have been made
70. Learn patience in contemplating your choices
71. All choices come with consequences, but most are not permanent
72. If you cannot sort out your emotions consider a life coach or a counselor
73. Relationships change when ONE person make a change
74. YOU can make a decision TODAY for changes in your life
75. Learn to say ‘NO’ it’s okay
76. Learn when to say ‘YES’ because it really is up to you
77. Enmeshment is when who you are is so tangled up with someone else you cannot sort it out
78. It is not healthy to stay enmeshed
79. It is healthy for all concerned when enmeshment is stopped
80. Addicts need to be responsible for their own behavior. Let go of it. You are not
81. Addicts need accountability. Codependent people need to have someone they check in with who will hold them accountable for not acting codependent
82. If it does not seem easy it is because it is not easy
83. Breaking codependency is worth the effort
84. Anything worthwhile is worth the investment
85. It takes time and effort to break codependency
86. Take each day and apply what you know to do every day consistently
87. Believe in yourself
88. Trust in yourself
89. Do not put yourself down
90. Learn to use self-talk
91. Make a list of positive things to use when you practice self talk
92. Alcoholics and Drug addicts who are not in recovery will use, that’s what they do
93. Alcoholics and Drug addicts in recovery may slip and use. It is not your fault. THEY need to choose recovery
94. You cannot make someone recover
95. If a person does not choose recovery it is not a reflection on you it is the
Addiction It may seem easier to be codependent than independent, it is not in the long run
96. It does not take someone else to make you whole. You can be whole as an individual.
97. You can be healthy as an individual
98. You are an individual
99. Codependency does not have to rule your life
100. Don’t stay codependent… do something!
101. You are worth the effort it takes to be whole

These tips are intended to cause you to think and find support in your journey to wellness as you relate to others, family or friends who may be addicted.

Written by Wendell Montney  
Reprinted with permission FreeMyAddict.com

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